The BEST FORENSICATOR to ever live!

[sjscott12]

This should be a challenge...

But who is the most talented person to ever grace the world of forensics with their might?

You know what I mean, the person who can be competitive in both DEBATE and INTERP (GASP! the schisms broken!!?!?!) The person who's nationally created a name for themselves, mastered a range of events, and everyone appreciates them for truly embodying what it means to compete, and to (more importantly) compete WELL.

so, tell us all. Who is the most amazing, the most talented, the most loved forensicator to ever be.

I can only nominate Linda Ugbah, my memory doesn't serve me nice enough to recall someone who nationally has competed aggressively in debate and interp, so this texan should be proud that her name is here.

Who can you chose?

[Ryan]

This is actually a very interesting question. I don't know exactly how you would judge the most talented person to ever live. Instead, I think it should be clarified to identify individuals who have excelled at a wide range of events, basically who are very all-around competitors.

I would nominate 2: Jeff Hannon and Saeed Jones.

Jeff Hannon competed for Nova High School in FL from 1997-2000. During that time, he became one of the strongest competitors in both LD and Congress. His senior year, he won NFL Nationals in Congress (House) and picked up 10 TOC bids in LD. I think he may have dabbled in extemp too. Jeff can now be found the same place he has been for quite a few years, coaching Congress kids at FFI.

Saeed Jones competed for Lewisville High School in TX from 2001-2004, and then for Western Kentucky University from 2005-2008. Saeed frequently finaled in high school in extemp, interp, oratory, and LD, before taking 3rd at NFL Nationals in oratory his senior year. Just touching the surface, his many college accolades include numerous national championships and finals appearances in quite a few events. Saeed is one of the few competitors I've ever seen who could just take control of a room with his huge personality in any event, limited prep or interp.

[OO Storyteller]

Saeed Jones competed for Lewisville High School in TX from 2001-2004, and then for Western Kentucky University from 2005-2008. Saeed frequently finaled in high school in extemp, interp, oratory, and LD, before taking 3rd at NFL Nationals in oratory his senior year. Just touching the surface, his many college accolades include numerous national championships and finals appearances in quite a few events. Saeed is one of the few competitors I've ever seen who could just take control of a room with his huge personality in any event, limited prep or interp.

Yeah, I heard about his unique abilty of "Audience Control." It was truly unparalleled, esp in OO.

[NFox]

Director's Cut of my post:

Can we nominate fictional people?

If not, I nominate Trevor Haynes, who won Extemp, OO, HI, DI, QI (An event he made up on the spot), and Storytelling (Also an event he made up on the spot...a tradition that has lasted to this day in storytelling :P ) at NFLs...and that was just his freshman year.

His greatest accomplishment though has to be when he picket fenced duo at NFLs...without a partner. The next year though, some have argued that he one upped himself when he won OO without ever saying a word.

In all seriousness, I don't think there can be "one best." The true best would have to be an amalgamation of people, or at least their skills.

Now greatest school of all time, because it would count people from all styles and events as one entity, might actually be something someone could make a good argument for. Though, I think that's a topic for another time and another thread.

-Nick

[oHIo]

Can we nominate fictional people?

If so, I nominate Howard Marconi, an 87 year old Brazilian underwear model who doesn't speak a word of English, who won Extemp, OO, HI, DI, QI (An event he made up on the spot), and Storytelling (Also an event he made up on the spot...a tradition that has lasted to this day in storytelling :P ) at NFLs...and that was just his freshman year.

His greatest imaginary accomplishment though has to be when he picket fenced duo at NFLs...without a partner. The next year though, some have argued that he one upped himself when he won OO without ever saying a word.

-Nick

I've touched him.

Some sweetness rubbed off on me. Just a bit.

[sjscott12]

Ryan, Saeed Jones sounds pretty much on par with what my question asked. That's the type of impressive accomplishment I was looking for, being able to cover a multitude of events, with large bounds of success, simply because you embody how to compete in forensics.

What is this guy doing now, does he coach?

[OO Storyteller]

I saw Saeed in college tourn results somewhere. He's apparently still competing for Western Kentucky University and coaches high school students...also somewhere.

[Ryan]

Saeed just graduated from Western Kentucky and will start the Creative Writing MFA Program at Rutgers-Newark this Fall.

[sjscott12]

that's surprising if only two names came up. If no more surface, congrats to Mr. Jones

[Interpret]

Beating a dead, bloated, decaying horse corpse...
But why no mention of Trevor Haynes?

[Cinderella]

Beating a dead, bloated, decaying horse corpse...
But why no mention of Trevor Haynes?

Trevor Freaking Haynes FTW.

[Chewie]

I think that, for the sake of everyone else, that's really the only appropriate answer for this thread.

Trevor Haynes came to our tournament once and we made him his own hospitality room...in a round.

At a local tournament, Trevor Haynes invented his own event (THI) and took straight 1s through the whole thing, despite doing finals while simultaneously writing his tournament-winning FX speech.

Picture a man riding a horse through Nationals. Are you picturing Trevor Haynes? Good, because this happened.

Several cities are named after people, but Trevorhaynesonia is the only planet to be named strictly because of a person's forensics skills.

Trevor Haynes got the UN to recognize Iraq as three different countries just because it was more convenient for his extemp speech.

Trevor Haynes won Nationals with an Oratory entitled "F*ck You, Judge!", in which he grabbed his junk and flipped off every judge in the round, then proceeded to urinate on the nearest wall. This is also how Trevor met his 1st, 3rd, and 4th wives.

In many parts of the country, Improv Duet is done as an event, and props are allowed. What props did Trevor Haynes bring? Only three: Gin, Whiskey, and a Dragon. He went straight 1s among all surviving judges.

[tgjdlc]

The sad thing is that I was going to bring Trevor into this discussion as I was reading the first few posts... but y'all beat me to it. F-ing Trevor Haynes. He still rules this world.

I've heard things about Josh Gad being amazing in any event he performed in... we know he won OO and HI in 99. He won OO in 98. I've heard there were other events he rocked out. I'm sure some type of debate or extemp must be on the list.

Yeah, that's all I got.

[airpezman]

Josh was awesome with "Marty" in 1997. He was a sophmore.

I definitly feel Joe Wycoff Jr. of Chesterton HS, needs to be close to the top of the list.

Joe Jr. was DOUBLE National Champ in OO and Humor his Junior year in 1985. He also was in NFL FINAL rounds a total of 5 times.

His Humor was "Happy B-Day Wanda June". It was incredible. His NFL CHAMPION OO is found in his father's public speaking textbook.

I would put Michael Washington of plano, tx up there for his NFL CHAMPIONSHIP his junior year in humor and drama in his senior year.

PEZ

[sjscott12]

Can any of these guys' nfl records or other tournament results be found anywhere?

legends. seriously.

[Ryan]

Trevor Haynes' NFL record is the 8th Wonder of the World. It was lost many millennia ago when the gods of Greece cast it away as a punishment to humans for Trevor giving them language. Rumors are that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are attempting to buy the rights for the story to turn it into "Indiana Jones and the Haynesian Record", a blockbuster that will set the world on fire. Only flaw is that Trevor wants the entire world's economy for it, a price tag that may lead to slightly extended negotiations.

[Interpret]

Rumor has it that his latest Album, "Haynesdogg and the Unimportant Measly Human Mortals" has gone quadruple diamond platinum, which they are renaming "going Trevor" in honor of his musical feat.
His career in music took off after the NFL final wall pissing act, still regarded by most artists as "the single most beautiful thing (we) have ever seen. Truly an unredoable feat of magic." J.K. Rowling has been in contact with his people, apparently for the next Harry Potter novel, in which Harry will be slain by Mr. Haynes magical abilities, which explain his prowess and ability to pwn our silly asses in forensics.
I'm moving to his planet so I can raise a race to be used for his bidding.
Oh...
and he did speech and debate perfectly. His NFL stats prove it.
THAT, my friends, is one of the million and six reasons Trevor Haynes should be the All-Time Greatest Forensicator.

[oHIo]

Trevor Haynes is the one competitor in forensics to ever receive Zero as a rank.

His piece was the dictionary, no cuts whatsoever.

9:48.

[rkrboi]

Trevor Haynes doesn't wear a suit. All he wears is a diaper. Ever heard of the sound of silence? His Oratory which he never spoke a word. He got second at Nats for goin one second over. He did dec with Saddam Husseins terrorist speech... and got strait ones.

After performing Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face as a DI, getting first at nats, performing A Child Called It as an HI. One judge peed his pants, he was laughing so hard.

Finally, Haynes decided to do policy his senior year. But he decided "screw it, I don't need a partner!" and went solo. I'm sure we've all heard about how final round at nats, He stabbed both of his opponents with a single knife throw for emphasis during his rebuttal for emphasis, and still got first place. The only thing the judges found wrong, was : "Try not to be so aggressive."

[Ryan]

After performing Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face as a DI, getting first at nats
I think you're a little off on this. Trevor performed Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face in duo. During the piece, Trevor would choose a random competitor to be his duo partner. Once up in front of the room, Trevor, with his massive legal expertise, would legally change his partner's name to Bobby Wilson and then make him literally eat his own face. They won NFL, but because Trevor was the only competitor left alive at the end of the piece (eating your own face will do that to you), many consider it a DI.

[Interpret]

I, for one, still consider it a DI.

[RiseAboveReality]

After performing Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face as a DI, getting first at nats
I think you're a little off on this. Trevor performed Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face in duo. During the piece, Trevor would choose a random competitor to be his duo partner. Once up in front of the room, Trevor, with his massive legal expertise, would legally change his partner's name to Bobby Wilson and then make him literally eat his own face. They won NFL, but because Trevor was the only competitor left alive at the end of the piece (eating your own face will do that to you), many consider it a DI.

What's more is that when he ran into legal trouble due to the apparent encouragement of self-cannibalism, he was his own defense and won the case without ever showing up to trial. The plaintiff was never seen or heard from again.

[NFox]

The original text of my earlier post actually used Trevor Haynes instead of a fake person, but I thought the spirit of Trevor had died off...apparently not.

-Nick

[Chewie]

Awesome things

I knew I still loved this forum.

Trevor Haynes once called Oprah to tell her she sucked at DI. He was instantly instated as President of the Oprah Book Club.

Trevor has fathered the past 10 presidents, just so he can have a more personal insight for his extemp speeches.

Regarding Trevor's win at nationals in Policy, in which he threw a knife: don't forget how he responded in to his opponents' first cross-ex!

Trevor: What? What the **** do you want?
Opponent #1: May I ask a question about your attack on our constructive?
Trevor: Whatever.
Opponent #2: You stated, quote, "I don't know what the **** these pansy-*** punks are doing on stage, where's my coffee?", end quote. Now, was this in regards to...
Trevor: Yeah, where the **** IS MY COFFEE?
Opponent #1: Sir, please, answer our...
Trevor: No, seriously! It's the final round of god**** NFL NATIONALS and you can't get a single coffee for the competitors? Cripes, is this the minor leagues or what?
Opponent #2: Ok, moving on to our...
Trevor: No! NO! Move on to this! I WANT MY COFFEE AND I'M NOT ANSWERING (expletive) 'TIL YOU GET IT FOR ME!
(at this point, a judge offers him a hot mocha)
Trevor: Why, thank you.
Opponent #1: Sir, why do you want coffee during a round, anyway?
Trevor: Why? (drinks the rest in one gulp) WHY?! I'll tell you the **** why you little bottomfeeding maggot!

Trevor then proceeds to consume all of 17 tubs of evidence the other team had brought with them, and promptly defecates all over the team, their desk, and their good luck teddy bear. He then finished the cross-ex by pointing threateningly at the judges, stating, "Vote Haynes, *********s."

[NFox]

Further evidence as to Trevor's incredible debating and oratorical skills:

Trevor once proved the existence of God using only 2 words. Unfortunately the only people to hear those words were immediately smote by God himself.

Trevor once successfully defended himself against murder charges with the infamous "So argument," in which he simply responded "so..." to the charges leveled at him, causing the judge to throw out all charges.

He wins in everything else he does, as well:

When Trevor was just 2 years old, he successfully built a computer out of a Casio pocket calculator, a #2 pencil, and a half-filled glass of orange juice. That computer's name? Deep Blue.

Why you should never oppose him in a debate:

Trevor has only been angry one time. On that day 4000 species died...all of them adorable.

Other reasons he's awesome:

He single handedly discovered a free solution to global warming, but hasn't told anyone what it is because he likes the warmer weather.

The bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were science fair projects of Trevor's.

Ghosts never haunt Trevor, he haunts them.

For one week, just for fun, Trevor convinced the world at large that the circular wheel was inferior to the rectangular wheel.

The 2004 tsunami that killed thousands in Sri Lanka was caused by Trevor doing a cannonball into the Pacific Ocean.

Nostradamus cites Trevor as the source of all of his predictions.

Trevor can regrow his limbs if they are ever cut off...or if he just wants a new pair of arms for summer.

Trevor left a used tissue of his in a lab...Jonas Salk found it and developed the polio vaccine from it.

Just to one-up Jesus, Trevor once fed a crowd of thousands with a packet of Sweet-and-low.



...That's all I got for now.

-Nick


PS: Reverted my first post to it's original, "director's cut" version due to the overwhelming Haynes love.

[Cinderella]

Awesome things

I knew I still loved this forum.


Indeed. The continuing legend of T. Haynes makes me very very happy, as do you guys :)

[Interpret]

Bahahaha!
Chewie and Nick- you guys just made me explode in laughter at my work.
I work in a hotel, there were people here, I told them I hit my funny bone.
They didn't understand.
It's turning into a competition for the best Haynes story, which I'm sure, is what he wanted.
Let the Haynes-Off continue!
We are, after all, just naming reasons that he should win Forensicator of the Year, and I, for one, will not halt until he earns the title.
And for the record,
Trevor Haynes once dodged a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck said to call him Charles and bought him coffee while they talked about ways to make a simple joke into a nationwide phenom.

[oHIo]

Trevor once won a game of 7-Up in 3rd grade. He didn't get out of his seat.

Trevor's cell phone number has four digits. They're all ones.

When it's too hot out for Trevor, he just looks up at the Sun. It becomes scared and cools down.

Trevor named his illegitimate child Verizon. It is now the name of a leading phone company.

[sjscott12]

In the final round of Foreign at NFL, Trevor Haynes threw away his tubs, proceeded to consume in fire his opponents', and proceeded to cite 'Highlites for Children' in a speech covering Pakistan, the Taliban, and the taste of soil from French Guiana. He picketed, not ONLY the judges, but Simon Cowell nominated him the permanent American Idol all the way from Liverpool.

At a mid-sized Local tournament, Mr. Haynes decided that his suit only held back his true talent. In 7 out of the 8 events he finaled in (he championed in DI by performing his HI in the semifinals round, the tournament decided finals shouldn't even be held thenceforth) he performed Strip teases and or lap dances for the judges. He took 8 first places and team sweepstakes single handedly.

Trevor Haynes stole scripts for his final bout at NFL Nationals. For the first four days of competition, he obtained the rights to 'Barney and Friends' for his DI, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band as a Duo, the Pentagon's file backup for Congress, and the only known copy of Jerry Springer's Autobiography in existence for oratory. He came back on day 5, finding that his name was already posted, and took home 6 trophies that night. 2 trophies in events he decided to create on the spot and pick all the finalists for. He was the only one to survive from the round, including the audience and judges.

After (establishing and) being inducted into the NFL, CFL, and TOC hall of fames, Trevor Haynes decided to create his own elite league for forensics competitions. To qualify, you had to have received bids from championing at Harvard and yale, murdering atleast 4 career judges, beating Armstrong in the Tour de France and swimming the English Channel. Only three people qualified. No one knows who they are because Haynes commanded Zeus to strike them instantly dead in freak lightning storms. The storms gathered from the ground up and electrocuted them through the rubber souls of their shoes, leaving no chance for survival. This was a trick that Trevor came up with, not Zeus.

Trevor helped the Allies win World War II.

Martin Luther King actually gave a declamation speech, written by Trevor Haynes.

Trevor authored the President's book of secrets, making him the leading domestic policy expert.

Haynes once delivered a package containing a jar of Robert Kennedy's Urine to his Extemp rounds. He championed with this method, and also won oratory using a similar tactic involving a sock belonging to Adolf Hitler.

He also once competed (and passed a motion) that in congress you could only speak TrevorHaynesanese. He invented this language 12 minutes before the round, and it is only known to him. It is envied by a majority of male forensics competitors for its powers in making girls bras unclasp themselves.

[rkrboi]

sjscott12 wrote:

Martin Luther King actually gave a declamation speech, written by Trevor Haynes.

That's the funniest thing I've heard yet.

Let's not forget how when he was P.O. at the TOC, he addressed everyone as George, cursed out the judges, and decided to have a seizure in the middle of a speech. He got second place, because one judge didn't like his outfit.

That judge never was seen again...

[sjscott12]

ALL I'M GOING TO SAY IS... (http://www.nflonline.org/points_application/studentprofile.php?id=1166739) I miss this thread 8)

[rkrboi]

HOW'D YOU FIND THAT????


I LOOKED FOR IT, AND IT DISSAPEARED UNTIL NOW!!!

Perhaps you... are the legendary succesor of Haynes?!
Behold the Dragon Warrior!

[KY Acid Trip]

Director's Cut of my post:

Can we nominate fictional people?

If not, I nominate Trevor Haynes, who won Extemp, OO, HI, DI, QI (An event he made up on the spot), and Storytelling (Also an event he made up on the spot...a tradition that has lasted to this day in storytelling :P ) at NFLs...and that was just his freshman year.

His greatest accomplishment though has to be when he picket fenced duo at NFLs...without a partner. The next year though, some have argued that he one upped himself when he won OO without ever saying a word.

In all seriousness, I don't think there can be "one best." The true best would have to be an amalgamation of people, or at least their skills.

Now greatest school of all time, because it would count people from all styles and events as one entity, might actually be something someone could make a good argument for. Though, I think that's a topic for another time and another thread.

-Nick

I completely forgot about trevor haynes.. omg you so just made me die laughing.. ahaha.

[KY Acid Trip]

Original Trevor Haynes Post (http://www.forensicsonline.net/forum/showthread.php?t=3826)


Read his original post, and then continue on.

[sjscott12]

KY Acid Trip's picketed FOL... LOOK AT HIS POST COUNT!


TREVOR EFFING HAYNES?!?!

[Cinderella]

Original Trevor Haynes Post
(http://www.forensicsonline.net/forum/showthread.php?t=3826)

Read his original post, and then continue on.

Best. Thread. Ever.