Stupid Questions, Smart Answers

[Chewie]

You know those stupid questions you get in spam email or from friends who think they're being creative when they're being annoying? Well, here's a thread to pwn those idiots. HARD.

Here's how we do. Present a dumb question, and the correct answer.

Example: Why do you park in a driveway and park in a driveway?
Answer: Because that it what each is designed for. Also, driveways are used to drive towards a garage, and there's no reason you could not park in a parkway.

Etc.

Here are some I found:

What disease did cured ham have?
None. "Cured" refers to how the ham was prepared, not an implication that it was previously diseased.

What color hair do bald men put on their driver's license?
Their hair color.
But they don't have hair! LOLOL!
Yes, they do. Just not on their head. Idiot.

How do you throw away a garbage can?
By placing it in a larger container used to place trash and other unneeded items in, which may be a larger trashcan, or any place in which trash is placed.

If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the Earth out of orbit?
Extrememly doubtful. Regardless of how each five pounds were lost (conversion of fat into heat energy, amputation, etc.), the weight that was lost from each individual human would not leave the Earth itself, and therefore, the weight of the Earth would not change. Even if it were somehow possible to transfer 32,500,000,000 pounds (5 lbs. x 6.5 billion humans), this weight is insignificant in comparison to the total weight of the Earth itself (5.792 sextillion metric tons).

How did the "Keep Off The Grass" sign get there in the first place?
It was placed there by a human.

[Dern]

Should vegetarians eat anmial crackers?
The consumption of anmial crackers by those of the vegetarian persuasion is neither forwned upon nor contradictory to the vegetarian belief. In fact, the main ingredients of anmial crackers include enriched wheat, flour, sugar, highfructose corn syrup, vegetable shortening, whey, salt, baking soda, and artifical flavor, of which none are animal or carnivorous products.

[Aelfric5578]

Do seemstresses sew in sewers
Usually not, it just so happens that the French word for conduit sounded a lot like the Old English word siowian - to sew. And they're pronounced so much differently because of a little something called the Great Vowel Shift. Anyone who saw my 2004-5 oratory should know what I'm talking about.

[theatrix04]

[/b]Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"

Pupil: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

[nirorivers6]

wow. that is probably one of the dumbest thins i've heard. where'd you get that?

[theatrix04]

wow. that is probably one of the dumbest thins i've heard. where'd you get that?

I Googled "Some dumb questions smart answers"
http://www.errorforum.com/fun-n-light-error/55-some-stupid-questions-smart-answers.html

Another one I like:

"Do I have to turn in the lab assignment at the end of the period?"
"No, you don't have to unless you intend to fail this class."

[Chewie]

"Do I have to turn in the lab assignment at the end of the period?"
"No, you don't have to unless you intend to fail this class."

The teacher's being the idiot in this one...since it's implied that turning in the assignment would result in failing. :P

[devileyes]

I don't quite see how it is implied...and why would turning in the assignment fail him? Explain? (Smart answer required)

[Chewie]

You just answered your own question, smart guy. But you knew that.

[Aelfric5578]

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Probably, because they still wound't be making signs for the employers that the are on strike to inconvenience.

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Bad marketing. Honestly, would you buy it for your cat?

[nirorivers6]

I thought there was no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid people.

That wasn't a question.

[mkayb17]

If your Hot Pocket is cold, is it just a pocket?

No, Hot Pocket is the brand name, not an actual refrence to the temp. of the food.

[insightful]

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

and

If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, and peanut oil comes from peanuts... where does baby oil come from?

[nirorivers6]

gotta have answers. thats half the fun!

[insightful]

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
-You have done both, you have succeeded at failing.


If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, and peanut oil comes from peanuts... where does baby oil come from?
-The world may never know...

[Cinderella]

If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, and peanut oil comes from peanuts... where does baby oil come from?
-The world may never know...

Baby oil is actually another name for mineral oil, which according to wikipedia is "a by-product in the distillation of petroleum to produce gasoline. It is a transparent, colorless oil composed mainly of alkanes (typically 15 to 40 carbons) [1] and cyclic paraffins, related to white petrolatum. Mineral oil is a substance of relatively low value, and it is produced in very large quantities. Mineral oil is available in light and heavy grades, and can often be found in drug stores."

[rezeewnaf]

is the sky blue because the sun is reflecting off all of the water on Earth?

The sky is blue because the sun emits each color of light possible, and because of how our atmosphere is made up, every color passes through the atmosphere to us except for blue which is reflected off of particles repeatedly and all we see when we look up is blue because that's the only color that's up there.


Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

No. Those signs are referring to the action of driving around a car in front of you by entering the lane of traffic moving in the opposite direction. The meaning of the sign has nothing to do with passing the sign itself.


Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

That's actually a good question... I would assume it was to protect them from events like bumping their head and losing consciousness/focus.


What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?

Gesundheit

[theatrix04]

May I hold your hand? No thanks, it isn't heavy.

Say you love me! Say you love me!
You love me...

If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
Sure, what's your phone number??

I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
Don't you ever want to improve??

I love you and I could die for you!
How soon??

I would go to the end of the world for you!
Yes, but would you stay there??

[insightful]

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
The wheel...

When you’re sitting on the upstairs floor, are you sitting on the downstairs ceiling?
Yes, yes you are...

If deaf people go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, why would the name change...

can vegetarians eat animal crackers edited for spelling
Yes, since they're not actually made from animals.